Much as it pains me to say the word, Marcel the Shell with Shoes On is one of the cutest <shudder> things I’ve ever seen. It could melt even the coldest and blackest of hearts and may yet hold the key to world peace.

Dedicated to Nintendo 100%, I now own a Gameboy, SNES, N64, GameCube and a Wii, and with the exception of the Gamecube, all have been brilliant. Buying SNES games off ebay a few years ago was a great trip down memory lane with gems like:

Super Smash TV,NBA Jam,Contra 3,and UN Squadron.

A few weeks ago I went to Spitalfields market, one of the least male-friendly markets on Earth. But amongst all the  dresses, handbags and Banksy prints I found a stall being manned by people from Retro GT. I handed over some cash money and they gave me this Gameboy Oyster card holder in return:

Which was a very fair exchange indeed. And to finish, here’s a great short film called Pixels by Patrick Jean which I came across this morning. Beautifully retro-tastic.

It’s official. Every single script that can ever be filmed has already been made. And so, with Hollywood facing imminent doom, the only logical thing to do was to create a movie called Midgets Vs Mascots and get Gary Coleman to star in it. Comedy gold guaranteed.

Sometimes the answer to all your problems is staring you right in the face. And other times, at about waist-level.

Albums

1. The Marshall Mathers LP – Eminem
2. Late Registration – Kanye West
3. Joyful Rebellion – K-os
4. Modern Guilt – Beck
5. Voodoo - D’Angelo
6. Miss E…So Addictive – Missy Elliot
7. Speakerboxxx/The Love Below – Outkast
8. Demon Days – Gorillaz
9. A Grand Don’t Come For Free – The Streets
10. In Rainbows – Radiohead

Honorable mentions: Invaders Must Die – The Prodigy, Back To Black – Amy Winehouse, Tipping Point – The Roots, FutureSexLoveSounds – Justin Timberlake, Blackout – Britney Spears, Third – Portishead, Viva La Vida – Coldplay, Daft Punk – Vegoose, Justice – Cross, Common – Be, Prince – Lotusflow3r

Songs

1. Crazy – Gnarls Barkley
2. Lost Cause – Beck
3. Gold Digger – Kanye West
4. Seven Nation Army – The White Stripes
5. Crazy in Love – Beyonce
6. B.O.B. – Outkast
   
7. Get Your Freak On – Missy Elliot
8. Without Me – Eminem
   
9. Bonkers – Dizzie Rascal
10. Sexyback – Justin Timberlake

Honorable mentions: Crabbuckit – K-os, Toxic – Britney Spears, Gravel Pit – Wu-Tang, Back to Black – Amy Winehouse, Hey Ya – Outkast, Sex on Fire – Kings of Leon, Fallin’-Alicia Keys, Jesus Walks -Kanye West, 99 Problems – Jay-Z, Musicology – Prince, Beggin’ – Madcon, Poker Face – Lady Gaga

Films

1. Amelie
2. Up
3. Pan’s Labyrinth
4. Little Miss Sunshine
5. Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
6. The Dark Knight
7. Casino Royale
8. Gladiator
9. Kill Bill Vol 1
   
10. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

Honorable mentions: Donny Darko, City of God, Sin City, Spirited Away, The Bourne Ultimatum, Battle Royale, Nightwatch, District 9, Last King of Scotland, Brick

I went to see The Men Who Stare at Goats on Sunday and walked away from the cinema a bit disappointed.

The basis of the story is gold – the CIA’s attempts in the mid-80s to create super-psychic-spies who could stop a goat’s heart just by staring at it (no shit – this stuff actually happened).  And it’s all based on a book by Jon Ronson, who also wrote the awesome: Them: Adventures with Extremists. However, the people behind the film managed to bolt together a ramshackle plot that makes less than no frikkin sense, and consequently the whole thing is a big fat goat mess. Like the kind of stuff that passes for food at the Notting Hill Carnival.

And until four minutes ago I wanted to make a film called The Men who stare at Goaty Beards, but it’s already been (very badly) done by Jimmy Fallon:

This week really isn’t going according to plan.

I’ve never really bought into New Balance as a brand. When I was a kid, they were worryingly too easy for well-meaning parents to confuse with Nike (good) or Nicks (bargain bin hideous). And thus they fell into the chasm of middle-of-the-road mediocrity.

I have never bought a pair, thought of buying a pair, or indeed known anyone who has openly claimed to own a pair of their shoes. But I do quite like their new site – 574 clips.

To promote NB’s limited edition 574 trainers, they’ve shot 480 different mini-films and 480 different Polaroids. It’s simple and fun, and almost makes me want to consider possibly contemplating a potential purchase of one of their products. Almost.

I went to the press screening of District 9 three weeks ago, but only got around to writing the review for Fortean Times yesterday. Sadly I didn’t spend a hell of a lot of time on it and it’s not my greatest piece of work, but I thought I’d post it up here anyway…

The Internet buzz for District 9 has been so great that the film itself was always going to have a lot to live up to.

Part faux-documentary, part indie sci-fi, District 9 is the first film from writer/director Neill Blomkamp (with Peter Jackson on production duties). Populated by a cast of virtual unknowns, the basic premise is that twenty years ago, alien refugees came down to Earth and landed in South Africa. Unable to leave, the titular ‘District 9’ becomes their makeshift home on the edge of a disturbingly bleak Johannesburg.

Neither the locals nor the government want them there. So the job of keeping them fenced in has been contracted out to a private firm, Multi-National United (MNU), whose interest lies more in exploiting the potential pay-ticket that their advanced alien weaponry has to offer.

With growing public unrest, the decision is made to relocate the 1.8 million aliens to a new trumped-up refugee camp, far outside the city limits. And as he’s married to the boss’ daughter, office geek Wilkus van der Merwe (Sharlto Copley) is tasked with heading up the team.

Understandably, the aliens aren’t particularly happy about all this. Inter-species tensions are high and the racial and xenophobic allegories aren’t exactly hard to find.

Nicknamed ‘prawns’, the aliens are portrayed as a lazy, uninspired and feral species – with a bizarre penchant for cat food. And yet, the relationship between the central alien character and his son elicits more emotion and tenderness than anything the humans have to offer. So it’s not long before you find yourself rooting for the cosmic crustaceans.

Blomkamp made his name directing ads, including the Citroen ‘Transformers’ one from a few years ago. But thankfully his leap to the big screen is a world away from Michael Bay’s effort earlier this year.

He tries to cover some very big issues in District 9, and succeeds for the most part without ever descending into greeting card schmaltz. And although the second half’s cat-and-mouse chase doesn’t live up to the more cerebral first half, it’s still a very impressive debut.

Rating: 4/5

Cool film done by a bunch of ex-film students. Makes me want to go make one myself…maybe that’ll be something to keep me off the streets this summer.