A special birthday message

I was in Clinton’s on Oxford St yesterday (much against my will), and had the misfortune to see what is surely a harbinger for the End of Days itself:

Yes, that’s right. Grannypants-moistening blue-rinse botherer Daniel O’Donnell has his own greetings card range. Looking like an Eamon Holmes Lite™ and dressed by the finest tailors in Delmonte, the yawnsome yodeler wants to give you a ’special birthday message’. Only problem is that when you open the card…

he drops to the decking and sings at you. Horrid. Truly horrid.

All I need to do now is find someone I hate enough to send it to.